Grief: When Life Drops the Hammer

Grief hits like a sledgehammer to the chest. It stops you in your tracks, knocks the wind out of you, and leaves you picking up pieces you didn’t even know were broken. It’s heavy, disorienting, and unapologetically personal. And the kicker... if you’re human, you’ll face it.

There’s no "good grief." There’s just grief. While it may never fully leave, it will get lighter to carry, especially if you stop trying to run from it and start learning how to carry it with you.

Why Grief Hits So Hard

Grief is a response to loss, not just death. It could be the end of a relationship, redundancy, retirement, a diagnosis, or even the shift into fatherhood. If something meaningful disappears or changes, grief often fills the space.

We’re creatures of habit. We rely on rhythm and predictability to keep our footing. When something disrupts that, no matter how expected, it can feel like the foundation cracking through your whole life.

Even years later, you might find yourself going to text a mate who passed, or turning to say something to an ex you haven’t seen in months. That snap of reality when you remember they’re gone? That’s grief. Still there. Still real. Still something you have to live with.

How Men Experience Grief

Men don’t always grieve the way people expect. We’re more likely to get angry than we are to cry. More likely to isolate than to open up. More likely to hit the pub, bury ourselves in work, or throw ourselves into 'fixing' shit.

Common Coping Tactics:

The Fixer – Organising the funeral, managing others’ emotions, but never acknowledging your own.

The Deflector – "It is what it is." Avoids vulnerability, changes topics, buries the hurt.

The Disappearer – Pulls away from mates, drops off the radar, hoping it’ll pass on its own.

The Escapist – Turns to drinking, gambling, sex or work to outrun the emotions.

The Guilt Tripper – Feels bad for not grieving ‘right’... too much, too little, too messy.

Truth is, there’s no ‘right’ way to grieve but trying to dodge it only makes it dig deeper.

Getting Through Grief

You can’t skip grief. But you can get through it without letting it wreck your whole life.

Let Yourself Feel It: It’s supposed to hurt. That doesn’t mean you’re weak... it means you give a shit. Anger, tears, confusion, numbness - they’re all normal. Don’t bottle it up and expect it to disappear. It doesn’t.

Talk it Out: Whether it’s with a mate, a family member, a therapist, or a stranger at a BBQ, voicing what you’re feeling gets it out of your head and into the world. That's the best place to start.

Do Something with the Loss: Turn grief into meaning. Honour the person or the thing you lost... get a tattoo, write a letter, donate to a cause they cared about. Let the memory fuel something.

Cry If You Need To: Forget the macho bullshit. Crying doesn’t make you weak... it makes you honest. If you can let it flow, it can feel real good.

Seek Professional Support: If grief is affecting your ability to live, talk to a pro. Therapists trained in grief and trauma can help you understand what you’re going through, and how to ride the waves rather than drown in them. Book in with a GP, ask about the mental health care plan, and make a move.

Grief Doesn’t Mean You’re Broken - It Just Means You Cared

It means you had something worth missing. That’s not weakness - that’s being human.

Grief might never leave completely, but you’ll get stronger and every time you choose to face it, rather than run, you get closer to healing.

At Better Bloke, we don’t sugarcoat pain but we don’t run from it either. Grief is real but so is growth.

If your grief feels unmanageable, seeking professional support is a proactive step. Therapists can provide tools and techniques tailored to individual needs.