Suicidal Thoughts: End The Noise Before It Ends You

Right up front, let’s make a commitment to each other: This is a no-bullshit zone. We can’t afford to take things lightly, because this topic is about as heavy as it gets. Like a carrier ship filled with blue whales filled with bank safes filled with uranium rods kinda heavy.

I’ll be 100% honest with you, and I need you to be just as honest with yourself: “Can you tell me why you wouldn’t kill yourself?”

If you don’t have an answer, you need to call 000 right now. If that doesn't feel right, you'll find a stack of free and confidential numbers right HERE, so the only reason not to call is your pride. Don’t let it get you killed. Call right now. Like, literally now.

If you’re still here, I’ll assume that means you’re not completely sold on suicide. But the thoughts are there, and they’ve been getting louder. I’ll help you understand what’s going on in your head, why you’re feeling this way, and how to start feeling better. But at best, all I can be is a gateway to real-life resources. A life is lived one moment at a time, and a life is saved the same way. Have some patience, have some faith in yourself, and you’ll be able to make every moment count.

What do Suicidal Thoughts Look Like?

Let’s get a little meta here. Your entire subjective experience—the good, the bad, the suicidal, and the rip-roaring—is determined by your thoughts.

In the words of the most famous prince of Denmark, “There’s nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so” (Hamlet, II.2). Marcus Aurelius was even more succinct when he wrote, “Life is opinion” (Meditations, IV.4).

What they understood was that our thoughts don’t just shape our reality; they are our reality.

Unfortunately, that reality can feel absolutely miserable at times. When life keeps heaping unfairness on your plate, you’re going to look for ways to alleviate the pain. And if you can’t, it’s natural for your mind to turn to more drastic solutions.

Passive Vs. Active Suicidal Thoughts

People sometimes think about killing themselves. Most of the time, these thoughts of death are part of the many random, colorful connections that our brains are always churning through. Death is part of life, so it makes sense that it would be part of our internal life.

When these ideas are idle and fleeting, they’re considered “passive” suicidal thoughts. They’re totally normal, and some could even argue they’re a healthy part of understanding your own mortality.

When your thoughts about suicide become “active,” that’s when things get serious in a hurry. If passive means casually considering, active means actually making a plan.

Signs of Active Suicidal Thinking

So how do you know if you’ve slipped from passive to active? Consider the difference between occasionally thinking, “Man, I could really go for a Twinkie right now,” versus incorporating Twinkies into every meal of the day.

One is harmless; the other is troubling.

But it’s not always easy to notice when your thoughts have strayed too far, so I’ve jotted down a list of signs that your suicidal imagination has become entirely too active.

  • Considering in detail how and when to kill yourself
  • Researching methods
  • Gathering or having access to the means
  • Being defensive or deflecting when asked about suicide
  • Losing interest in the things you used to care about
  • Sleeping too much or not enough
  • Experiencing intense mood swings
  • Feeling anxious, agitated, or depressed
  • Isolating yourself
  • Increasing your reliance on drugs and alcohol
  • Acting impulsively
  • Engaging in “parasuicidal behaviors” (self-harm, unnecessary risks, etc.)

Why Do Men Become Suicidal? How Did We Get Here?

Men are 4x more likely than women to die by suicide.

A lot of that disparity comes from the way men view their role in the world. Some of the most admirable masculine virtues—like care-giving, protecting, providing, and self-sacrifice—can become vices when they start to crowd out a man’s own survival instinct.

Machismo isn’t the only thing that drives men to suicide, but it’s a big one. Here are some of the main factors that can trick men into believing that life isn’t worth living.

A Lack of Belonging

Picture being stranded on an island with no wi-fi and no one to talk to. Even if you’re on the introverted end of the spectrum, it wouldn’t take long before you start losing it. Belongingness is the social stability that keeps us from feeling like castaways, but without the right in-groups and support systems, you can go full Tom Hanks even when you’re surrounded by people.

Feeling Like a Burden

Here’s where twisted masculinity can wreak the most havoc on men’s mental health. If a guy gets too wrapped up in trying to take care of others, he might forget that he also needs help sometimes. Doctors go to doctors; therapists seek therapists; lawyers hire lawyers. But men often tell themselves they have to do everything single-handedly.

Not only does this mentality lead to faster burnout, despair, and resentment — it also prevents the guy from reaching out once things get to be too much.

Helplessness & Hopelessness

You know what else makes guys feel out of control? Anxiety and depression. Like the unwelcome party guests who just won’t leave, these little bastards worm their way into your life and make an otherwise fun experience feel overwhelming, unenjoyable, and never-ending.

And if you feel like life has become an endless loop of misery, hitting the eject button might start to seem like a reasonable idea. But as the saying goes, “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” And I can help you find much better solutions to whatever’s been dragging you down.

Some Are at Greater Risk

Even though all guys are susceptible to suicidal thoughts, some folks are walking a thinner tightrope than others. Whether it's genetics, life circumstances, or another outcome of the cosmic dice roll, recognizing these factors is the first step to dealing with them.

Overlapping risk factors make it even more important for you to stay vigilant about monitoring your suicidal thoughts. Let’s say you have ADHD (and the impulsivity that goes along with it). Plus, you had a rough childhood, and you don’t have any close friendships. Your migraines have started to flare up again, right before you got fired and your cat died. So you take a few shots, lowering your inhibitions even further. And did I mention that you own a gun?

Stopping Suicidal Thoughts: How to Help Yourself Feel Better

Time to Get Serious.

You can analyze your thoughts on suicide all day, but what really matters is how you respond to them. The most important thing you can do is take this seriously. You only get one chance at life. Give yourself permission to see it through.

Treat it Like an Emergency

This is no time to play it cool or grit your teeth. Active suicidal thoughts are an emergency, and pretending otherwise is like trying to put out a wildfire with a water pistol.

You should take proactive steps to make it harder to act on a momentary impulse. That means getting guns out of the home, preemptively seeking out a sponsor or support system, and learning what your worst triggers are so you can put the brakes on your suicidal thinking in real time.

Use Your Head

Just like Hamlet and Marcus taught us, the world is what we think it is. If you lose a leg and think, “I’m disabled now, and I’ll never have a fulfilling life,” you’ve made the injury worse than ever. If instead you think, “I can overcome this challenge. I can get a kickass prosthetic, live an amazing life, and maybe even be an inspiration to others,” then you’ve taken back control of the situation. You’ve turned it into a reason to keep living, rather than a reason to call it quits. You’ve decided to live on your terms, not at the mercy of a random universe.

Don’t Go Through It Alone

We all have a team, whether we realize it or not. Family, friends, neighbors, coworkers — they’re all part of your squad, especially in an emergency.

Guys will frequently talk themselves out of opening up to someone else (because of the aforementioned macho-ness), but often just talking out loud about what’s been bothering you can give you the relief, reality-check, and outside motivation that’ve been sorely missing from your internal thoughts.

One of the best teammates you could ask for is a professional therapist. I’ve created a list of mental health professionals near you to choose from when assembling your dream team.

Remember This Page Is Just A Gateway?

Life is a lifelong endeavor, and this is not the end of the line. Use the recommendations above to make sure that one hasty mistake doesn’t keep you from a lifetime of good decisions.