The Body Image Battle Men Don’t Talk About

Walk into almost any gym in Australia and you will eventually hear a bloke call himself fat. More often than not, he appears fitter than most of the people around him.

Sometimes it's harmless, self-deprecating humour. Other times, it is an internal voice he has been listening to for years.

This week on the Better Bloke Podcast, we sat down with Mitch Farlow, a former semi-professional rugby league player and more recently, a certified mad-man that runs insane distances for charity. From the outside looking in, Mitch possesses many of the physical qualities men spend years chasing. He is strong, disciplined, athletic and capable of pushing his body further than most people ever will.

One of the most powerful moments in our conversation, however, had nothing to do with football, running for charity or physical achievement. It came when Mitch spoke honestly about his experience with body dysmorphic disorder and the fact that it is something he continues to battle.

When the outside does not match the inside

Mitch has spent years training his body and testing what it can endure. That has not automatically changed the way he sees himself.

Despite his achievements, his fitness and the compliments he receives from other people, the voice in his own head is not always convinced. That distinction stayed with us because we often assume confidence will arrive once the body changes.

If we lose the weight, build the muscle, run the distance or reach the next goal, perhaps we will finally feel comfortable. For some men, however, the body changes long before the internal conversation does.

You can build muscle without building self-worth.

You can become fitter while remaining deeply critical of yourself. You can be admired by everyone around you and still struggle with the person looking back from the mirror. Those things can exist at the same time.

The goalposts keep moving

Body image is often discussed through the experiences of women. Those conversations are important, but they can leave men believing that body image is not something they are supposed to struggle with.

Men may experience it differently or use different language to describe it. Some avoid taking their shirt off, while others refuse to miss a workout because the guilt feels worse than the exhaustion. Some apologise for eating a burger, compare themselves with every other bloke in the gym or chase bigger muscles and lower body fat because they believe confidence is waiting on the other side.

Then they reach the goal and immediately create another one.

There is always more weight to lose, more muscle to build or another flaw to correct. Progress may be happening, but it never quite feels like enough.

That is the trap.

Not every insecurity is body dysmorphic disorder

It is important to make a distinction between feeling insecure about your appearance and living with body dysmorphic disorder.

Most people have parts of their body they would change. Caring about fitness, wanting to improve and setting physical goals are not inherently unhealthy.

Body dysmorphic disorder is more than occasionally disliking a photograph or feeling unhappy with your appearance. It is a mental health condition that can involve becoming consumed by perceived flaws that may appear minor or may not be noticeable to other people. It can affect someone’s training, eating, relationships, work and willingness to be seen, and only an appropriately qualified professional can diagnose it.

Mitch was speaking about his own experience, not attempting to diagnose everyone who trains hard or feels uncomfortable with their body. His observation about fitness, gym and running communities still matters.

These environments can provide discipline, friendship, confidence and a genuine sense of achievement. They can be incredibly positive parts of a person’s life, but they may also contain people using exercise to fight an internal battle nobody else can see.

One bloke may train because he enjoys challenging himself. Another may be terrified of what he believes will happen if he stops. From the outside, they can look exactly the same.

When discipline becomes punishment

Discipline is usually spoken about as an unquestionable strength. Turning up when you do not feel like it, pushing through discomfort and doing the work can help someone achieve extraordinary things.

That mindset has undoubtedly played a role in what Mitch has accomplished across professional sport and endurance running. The difficulty comes when discipline is driven entirely by fear, shame or the belief that your current body is never acceptable.

Training can support your wellbeing, but it can also become a way of punishing yourself.

The difference is not always obvious from the workout itself. It may be found in what happens around it.

Can you take a rest day without feeling guilty? Can you enjoy food without believing you need to earn it? Does missing one session change the way you feel about yourself? Can you recognise progress, or does every achievement immediately become inadequate?

Another useful question might be whether you would speak about a mate’s body the way you speak about your own.

These questions are not a diagnostic test. They are simply an opportunity to consider whether training is adding something positive to your life or whether your entire sense of worth has become dependent on it.

Honesty reaches further than perfection

What struck us most was not simply that Mitch experiences these thoughts. It was that he was willing to admit it.

He could have remained the former professional athlete and ultra-runner who appears disciplined, capable and completely confident. Instead, he allowed people to see something less polished and more human.

When we released a short part of the conversation, the response showed how many people recognised something of themselves in what Mitch was describing. That does not mean every person who related to it has body dysmorphic disorder. It means more men are thinking about their bodies, comparing themselves with others and questioning whether they are enough than we may realise.

Hearing someone like Mitch speak openly can interrupt the belief that everyone else in the gym has complete confidence. It reminds people that a strong body does not make someone immune to insecurity.

More importantly, it can give another bloke permission to examine his own relationship with training, food and appearance without feeling ashamed for doing so.

A different measure of progress

There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve your fitness. There is nothing wrong with losing weight, building muscle, running further or becoming stronger.

The question is whether any finish line will ever be allowed to count.

If every achievement is immediately dismissed and every reflection becomes another reason for criticism, changing the body may never deliver the feeling being chased. That does not mean giving up on physical goals. It may mean working on the relationship you have with yourself alongside them.

For some men, that might begin with an honest conversation with a mate. For others, it may mean speaking with a GP, psychologist or another qualified professional, particularly when thoughts about appearance are affecting daily life, relationships, eating or the ability to rest.

Seeking that support is not an admission that fitness has failed. It is recognition that physical and mental wellbeing do not always develop at the same pace.

What Mitch taught us

Mitch did not sit on our chair pretending he had completely overcome every insecurity. He spoke about something he continues to experience, and that made the conversation more valuable rather than less.

We started the podcast believing every person has something to teach. Speaking with Mitch Farlow reinforced a lesson we will continue to carry:

Looking strong does not always mean feeling comfortable in your own skin.

Progress is not only what changes in the mirror or appears on the stopwatch. It can also mean learning to rest without guilt and recognising that your worth was never something your reflection could measure.